Androgyny and Notebooks

I am deliberately not whining about exams and joining society properly and moving on and losing friends and all that uselessness that always happens around exam time.

I am, however, going to tell you about something I saw today that kind of made me feel sad.

I was walking home with shitloads of books ready for study leave, and just down my road there's a shopping trolley. It's been there a week or so now. And I walked past it, in the lovely sunshine, with all my books in my arms and my bag straining at the handles, and I noticed a little girl. A really pretty little girl, with long blonde hair and a look of perfect innocent happiness on her face, sitting in this trolley (which had been turned upside-down) and playing with it. Just pushing a grille of metal back and forth with a little smile that spoke volumes.

There's something in that image, somewhere, that kind of threw me off a bit. Hell, I don't know. I shall be better when all this mentalism is over, I imagine.

-Miss May, bleak.

So I've been having these freakish dreams lately. And I can't generally remember all the details, just a vague and quite persistent sense of anxiety and claustrophobia on waking, but I remembered one last night.

( Dream times... )

In other news, I'm going to rewrite the vampire novel so it's an alternate-version of Earth wherein vampires are a recognised threat and every country has a vampire-hunting agency. I think this will remove a lot of the contrivances from the old plot. I hope so, at any rate, because I quite like the characters and it's a shame to waste them.

On that note, I'd better go and do important stuff.
-Miss May, well and truly disturbed by her own subconscious

I am terribly, terribly tired. When did this happen? I haven't been sleeping fabulously and I'm starting to feel it. Also, exams after the holidays. I want Christmas for the sole reason that I am going to be able to rest again, in between revision times.

Not a lot has been going on with me, mostly because I haven't left the house in God knows how long because of working. I finished the first music composition and I'm recording it tomorrow, which should be interesting given that I still can't play it. Tomorrow is also the day I have to go and speak French to a native French speaker who will be assessing my French-speaking abilities with a tape player. I know no French. Like, none at all. And bloody Becci and Daisy both got really good marks.

I really hate having clever friends sometimes. It's a bit of a bitch.

And on that note I am going to sign off.
-Miss May, flailing.

Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?" - Ernest Gaines.

We would like to know who really believes in gay rights on livejournal.
There is no bribe of a miracle or anything like that. If you truly
believe in gay rights, then repost this and title the post as "Gay
Rights". If you don't believe in gay rights, then just ignore this.
Thanks.

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.

Love is love.

So Abi lent me this so I could see if it was as bad as the Twitlight saga. I've not finished it, but I've no particular desire to continue, either; I probably shall, so I can form a proper opinion, but so far here are my thoughts.

( I wish Wanderer had fallen in love with Melanie instead. )

Bye everybody
-Avariel, wrestling with Pliny the Younger (not literally)

The slash has landed. For serious.

Here are my five favourite things about it, in reverse order:

5. It's so pretty. All books should be this pretty. It is totally getting photocopied into oblivion and stuck into my art coursework.
4. It's hilarious! I have been laughing my face off all the way through. A Trumpet Full Of Memories killed me. "No point in fighting, the juju was up inside my horn." !!!
3. Slashy footnotes. Old Gregg <3 Slash. Hmm...
2. Howard is now canonically gayer than Vince. I want fanfiction about his gay phase in Spain. NOW.
1. Vince's little stories, especially The Christmas Toy and Charlie and the Black And White Rainbow. They're such lovely simplistic stories but fucking hell, they're dark. I have too many complex theories about the subconscious sides of the Boosh characters and I always imagined Vince to be a bit more grim underneath... I have been proved right, it seems. I want to hug him and give him a mug of extra-sugary hot chocolate. Provided I could remember how to make it.

I have to leave now. Bye.
-Miss May, gorging on canon!slash

The things I enjoy most about life are painting in Mr Connolly's art room, new notebooks, being alone in the house, listening to music, cold and crisp sunny days, writing and getting so into it that you lose track of time and never want to stop, wearing dresses, playing pretend games, dressing up pretty clothes for no reason, playing music, singing when nobody's listening, creating a new character and finding out who they are, old photographs, walking, being by myself, masks, pointless things that only exist to be pretty, paintbrushes, going to the theatre, saying something really clever and silencing everyone else in the room, nights when the pillows in my bed go right and are comfortable, losing track of reality and time because of a wonderful little thought that turned into an epic thought-saga that I can't bear to look away from, the Mighty Boosh, reading books I've read a million times before and still love, reading new books that I love from the first word, days when everything goes right, learning something new, and those fleeting moments when you suddenly become aware of the epic scale of life, of the idea that there were people alive before you and that their legacy is still here, somewhere, in everything we see and everything we do and everything we are.

Stolen from Billy. :D I'll post it on Blogger later.

First we had English and I was the only one (I'm not joking) at book club yesterday, so I was confronted by four teachers wanting my opinions when actually I had none. And the English teacher always talks about book club in our English lessons, and so of course it was announced to the entire class that I was terminally uncool and uninteresting enough to be the only one in book club. That's like admitting you're friends with the headteacher outside of school, for serious. It is THAT BAD. And also, it meant that everyone in the room was staring at me. STARING. With their eyes. It was horrible. I just wanted someone to shoot me.

I love my English teacher, for serious, but I do wish she'd stop calling attention to me. I hate it. I'd much rather pass under the radar like I do in Physics.

Then it was German, which speaks for itself really.

Then we had break. Jess thinks the guy she likes may be flirting with her a little bit. It's always really depressing hearing about other people's lovely functioning relationships when your own are going all to hell, isn't it?

Chemistry next and Sophie and I had a lovely long talk about trying to be just friends after a relationship ends, in between watching potassium react in water. That was cool.

PE, wherein I died of boredom doing nothing. There are no good websites you can visit in school, for serious. :(

At lunch it was Spanish. I had lost the homework sheet so that was rubbish.

And then, double IT. And then it rained on me as I walked home. By rain, by the way, I mean DELUGE. I was fucking soaked.

And it's still as awkward as can be. I think I may have spectacularly fucked up an entire friendship single-handedly, and I don't see how I can undo it. The horrible thing is that she doesn't realise how awkward it is. ARGH.

Bye, then. I have to eat now.
-Avariel

THANK GOD. I did the maths last night and I've only got the biology to do now, which is good because it's only a worksheet (despite being nearly a week overdue, the teacher won't care). I'm really relieved. I think I have survived it!

...

I am going to have to do a horribly awkward thing and ask Hattie to stay over at hers after Jess's party, 'cause my parents will be in London (curse them). I wouldn't have cared a year ago but obv this is not a year ago any more, and it's all terribly awkward. But I can't really impose myself on Jess, having potentially played a part in trashing her house along with about 26 others... so yes. Hattie it will have to be.

It's just so fucking awkward at the minute, though, because I know exactly what she will want to talk about, and I can't go for that. I honestly have no idea what I shall say to her if it comes up, which it will. So inevitably (as last time) I will have to lie my stupid face off and say we're OK, and then have to actually act like this is the case. I won't even have Becci to bounce off like I do in school. I'm drowning in my own stupid, and I can't get out, damn it!

Nobody will get that but I need to rave about it, 'cause otherwise I'll lose my mind. It's been bothering me all night.

...

Got to go to school now. Bye all.
-Avariel

Have you heard of Nathan Barley? It's a work of genius. I've just watched the first episode on Youtube; it's got Julian Barratt in it, looking bloody gorgeous with his long hair and his general awesome. Just go to Youtube and search Nathan Barley, you'll find it with ease.

Seriously, though, watch it. It mocks idiots. I love things that mock idiots, even when they aren't Twitlight parodies. :D

...

In other news, I'm procrastinating my face off AGAIN, because I fail. Whee!

And that's all there is to it, really. Bye for now.
-Avariel

For the uninitiated: I don't like the Twilight Saga. In fact, one could even go so far as to say I hate its stupid, sparklepire guts like nothing that has ever come before. Although that might be a little extreme. I hate plagiarists more than Twitlight. And possibly also painful shoes, although it's a stretch.

I finished Breaking Dawn last night. My thoughts, they are under the cut.

( You are KILLING MY BUZZ, Edward! )

So that's all. Bye.
-Miss May

 Oh dear oh dear, it is Hamlet today and I am quite unreasonably excited about the whole affair. I am having to tell myself that David Tennant may not actually be performing tonight, just to stop myself hitting the ceiling.

All my family are mocking me terribly about how I'm going to be a dribbling wreck when we get to Stratford tonight. I won't be! I have dignity, somewhere, and I intend to dig it out especially for tonight. And I'm sure as hell not going to the stage door, either. I read a quite marvellous essay that broke my heart a bit, talking about the screaming fangirls and how tired poor David looked when he did the signings, and I have since convinced my whole family not to go and stalk him afterwards. We'll get to see him anyway, hopefully. So it doesn't matter, does it?

My aunt and uncle are coming for lunch, 'cause they got us the tickets and are coming with us. I love my aunt and uncle, they're my favourite family members. I'm really glad to be seeing them again.

I'm going to wear my sexy Victorian boots, I think. I haven't worn them in ages, mostly because high heels kill my feet even when they aren't exactly that high. But they are so beautiful. It's like a really destructive relationship, the love I have for those boots; they keep hurting me but I still adore them. Never, ever let me get a boyfriend. I will fail at it.

...

I love the new hairdryer! It made my hair go exactly the way I wanted it, and I didn't even need to use a hairbrush. Just attack it with the right nozzle, fluff the hair up with fingers and away we go. Genius.

...

I've become addicted to Civilisation IV, which is really not good because school starts again tomorrow. I had to stop gaming for any length of time when the first laptop died and school started bitchslapping me about the face with work, and then I got the new laptop and never quite got back into it. But Civ IV is a work of genius. I am currently owning the faces of the Greeks, in between being secretary general of the United Nations (which I built) and naming all my cities after Mighty Boosh characters, because I am just that cool. Technically I won the game because I had the most points, but now I think I'll just concentrate on absolutely taking over the world. Yeeeeah.

...

Billy, don't worry about the CDs; I shall borrow Patrick Wolf from Kiran and/or Helen. And when I get an iTunes card again, I shall get Emmy the Great. 

...

Have a great day, whoever's reading this.
-Avariel

 Welcome aboard! Shall we begin?

...Actually, I can't think of anything to put. Fail, Avariel.

Next time, I'll make a better post.